Dead Fish (8)

Original Posting:
Fish tank for sale – 200 gallons, $500

My asian arowana died. I have some other fish in the tank but I really had the tank for the arowana so I’m selling the tank. It’s 3 years old and aside from being a bit dirty is in good condition.

This is a big tank. See pic below.

[picture of large fish tank included in original posting]

Negotiation Strategy:
Death is the easiest way to acquire goods at sub-market prices. The seller is emotional (i.e. easy to manipulate). Also, most buyers don’t like to profit off death, which really just means less competition. The key is to show compassion to gain the seller’s trust…

Hey there,

I apologize for your loss.

I was deeply saddened to hear about this and I know how difficult this must be for you. It sounds like your fish was a wonderful person. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you must be emotional right now so I just want you to know I’m here if you need to talk. Hopefully selling the tank will provide some closure so I’m happy to help with that.

You have my condolences, I will light a candle tonight.

Ned Wingfield

Ned:

Your email was very sweet. I miss my fish and maybe one day I will get another one. Does this mean you want the tank?

Hedvig.

Hi Hedvig,

I hope you are feeling better since the last time I wrote you. I want to let you know that the candle burned until the morning and your fish remained in my thoughts all night.

I’m interested in the tank but my immediate concern is actually about the arowana. As you obviously know, people pay hundreds of dollars for these fish. No offense. And I simply can’t afford that. Fortunately my interest is of a more long term variety so I don’t mind that it has passed.

Is there any chance you haven’t flushed it yet? I’d be very interested in purchasing it if it’s in good condition.

Ned

What do you want my dead fish for! I buried it in my garden so sorry Ned but you are not buying it.

Hedvig,

I hope you know that some raccoon is probably just going to dig it up and have it for a pre bed snack or something. I have much nobler purposes. I intend to preserve your fish for all eternity. I am an aspiring taxidermist and I have a lot of experience (though minimal with aquatic animals in the interest of full disclosure).

I really think this is a much better alternative for your fish than rotting in the ground. Do the right thing for the fish.

Ned

Your ridiculus Ned! I’m not going to let you stuff my fish.

Bye!!
Hedvig.

Look lady, obviously you have reservations about my quality of work. I’d like to have you over to give you a tour of my preserved animals. I have done pets before by the way so I’m familiar with domestic animals (that’s what she said OMG LOLOL).

Anyway, I’m still really sorry about your fish and I hope you finally move on. You can keep it in your garden for as long as you want but it will probably just become a weed. On my wall it will be a rose

Ned

You’re such a JERK! No way!!

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