Radiation (17)

By Ned on January 19th, 2010

Original Posting:

Selling a bunch of microwaves (14 in stock), lemme know if you want any…i’m open to negotiation. $20 per microwave.

Negotiation Strategy:
The Hulk, Fantastic Four, Captain America and Marie Curie. What do they have in common? They exposed themselves to radiation and became national icons. However, they never took the leap to become celebrity bloggers like me. So, in that sense, I’m already miles ahead of them.

However, I admit that my superpowers need some development. Although I can hold my breath underwater in my bathtub, I have decided it’s time to take things to the next level. So, I’m going to tweak some microwaves using some instructions I found on this Polish engineering discussion forum I frequent. (@Dobry3666, thanks man!)

Hopefully they will leak radiation and then my powers will flourish. My mom always sensed I was special…now I’m going to prove it!

So, my first mission as the “Winged Crusader” was to find myself some microwaves!

.

From Me to **************@*********.org

12/28/2009 @ 1:24PM

Hello,

I will use all of the microwaves. Thanks.

Ned Wingfield

From Russell **************** to Me

12/29/2009 @ 10:50AM

Wow great. Do you want to come pick them up? Where are you located?

20×14=$280. k?

Russ

From Me to Russell ****************

12/30/2009 @ 11:42AM

Russell,

That seems a bit high to rent them for one evening. What kind of microwave rental establishment are you operating?

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/01/2010 @ 3:14PM

Well I’m not trying to rent them. Why do you need 14 microwaves for one day only? I don’t know if you can even rent this many microwaves so I would just suggest buying them. I’ll let them go for $250 total.

Russ

From Me to Russell ****************

1/02/2010 @ 1:22PM

Russell,

$250 is a bit high but if I’m going to pay you actual currency then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask one more thing.

How does that sound?

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/03/2010 @ 4:41PM

Yea?

From Me to Russell ****************

1/03/2010 @ 7:02PM

Hi Russell,

Ok glad you are on board. So I’ll come by some time next week and we can get down to business. Glad you agreed to my request. I wasn’t sure if you would so that’s just peachy!

What’s your address?

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/04/2010 @ 10:21PM

No I wasn’t saying I agree to anything. I’m not just going to agree to conditions I don’t know about and I’m not going to give out my address unless we have a deal.

Russ

From Me to Russell ****************

1/04/2010 @ 2:33PM

Russell,

Geez don’t be such a whiner. It’s not like I’m asking you to use the microwaves to cook for me.

All I want you to do is help me open the metal frames on the microwaves, and then turn them on to expose me to radiation. If you aren’t interested in getting powers like me then you can use an extension cord to do it from a different room.

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/07/2010 @ 10:53AM

No way am I helping you expose yourself to 14 microwaves. Kill yourself on your own but I’m not getting involved even if you are paying me $250.

From Me to Russell ****************

1/08/2010 @ 3:38PM

Russell,

I clearly stated I am NOT paying you $250. If you want to be my sidekick you are seriously going to have to work on your reading comprehension skills.

Greed will not help you either. I’ll go as high as $100 but no more.

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/10/2010 @ 2:09PM

Hey A**hole,

Maybe you should work on YOUR reading skills because I already said I’m not interested in being your sidekick.

Get a life.

Russ

From Me to Russell ****************

1/11/2010 @ 12:37PM

Russell,

Obviously you underestimate the value of super powers, no offense.

I recently finished watching a Bollywood version of Spider-Man starring Shahrukh Kahn. It was $15 cheaper than the Hollywood one LOL what a deal. From what I understood (the movie had German subtitles) being a super hero involves a lot of dancing to Indian music and unlimited curry. It sounds fun and delicious and I can’t wait to get started.

Are you sure you still don’t want to get super powers with me? Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

Ned

From Russell **************** to Me

1/11/2010 @ 2:42PM

The last thing I would ever do is trsut some random retard on the internet claiming he can get super powers using a microwave. You probably just escaped from a mental hospital or something.

Do us both a favor and get lost.

Russ

From Me to Russell ****************

1/12/2010 @ 8:26PM

Russell,

I was voluntarily discharged and that was 17 years ago and I’ve been assured that apeirophobia is a perfectly normal disorder.

Anyway, I guess I’ll just find someone else to be my loyal sidekick, “Captain Microwave.”

Ned … aka the Winged Crusader

From Russell **************** to Me

1/15/2010 @ 2:30PM

Perfect. Go with that plan.

Bye

From Me to Russell ****************

1/16/2010 @ 6:20PM

Captain Microwave,

FYI, I purchased a few microwaves off ********* from a guy who didn’t give me such a hassle…

Then, last night I spent all night bathing in diluted sulfuric acid AND I released tons of radiation from some powerful microwaves. My basement is a mess! There are animal guts everywhere, though I guess that’s unrelated to last night.

Anyway, I had to stop because the power went out…damn neighbors…but I have to say I feel different today.

I already feel more powerful as my frail fingernails are falling off (soon to be replaced with Wolverine claws I’m sure), my useless hair is falling out, my pathetic scabs are falling off, I have a few growths in my arm (extra muscle mass) and, best of all, everything I see is red so I guess the infrared vision is kicking in.

I just thought I should let you know about the opportunity you missed out on. It’s not too late to join the alliance!

The Winged Crusader

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