Art Attack (20)
By Ned on January 4th, 2010Original Posting:
Art needed for cafe
I’m the day manager for ***** cafe in *** ******. if you’d like your artistic talents displayed, be sure to get in contact with us. we offer a highly decorated environment with lots of customers. If you want to display artwork for free for 30 days and sell them it comission free, please come in with your portfolio. We are in *** ****** at ***** st & ******** dr. Call if you need more directions. Thanks.
Negotiation Strategy:
Art is one of the hardest products to put a value on. I saw this ad and thought that maybe I could manipulate the seller into appreciating the value of my art. After some research, I learned that art valuation depends on three things: quality, quantity, and whether or not the guy who made it is still alive…
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| From Me to **************@*********.org |
12/02/2009 @ 10:14AM
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Hi there,
Although I need no introduction, my name is Ned Wingfield. I am an accomplished artist and celebrity blogger. I am exploring neo-expressionism and want to capture the zeitgeist by bringing my art to the masses via the “cafe.”
My current project is all about animals and showing the plight of some of the most endangered species on the planet. Is your cafe into animal plight too?
Ned Wingfield
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/05/2009 @ 11:57AM
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for sure, you can stop by with a portfolio. come by and ask for me.
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/06/2009 @ 3:22PM
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Hi Madlyn,
Unfortunately it’s a bit hard for me to bring my ‘portfolio’ in just like that.
What sort of security will the cafe have? I want to make sure my art is safe. It’s highly valuable.
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/08/2009 @ 6:04PM
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we have an alarm system and of course we lock up every night. your art should be covered by our insurance. how much does it typically sell for?
could you send some pictures of your art instead of bringing in a portfolio?
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/10/2009 @ 11:53AM
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Madlyn,
My art is basically priceless so nobody has bought any of it yet. I don’t know exactly how much it’s worth but at least millions.
I’m pretty insulted that you won’t just agree to showcase my art. I’m doing you a big favor by even e-mailing you, no offense.
If it helps convince you, I can describe myself and my art a bit more. I’ve been ‘arting’ for several years. I’m mostly self-taught. The only formal training I have is my painting training under an artist named Rembrandt (maybe you’ve heard of him?).
My focus is on getting attention on the plight of various species. I try to depict the abuse and murder of endangered and extinct species in hopes of generating public support for stricter hunting laws.
The exhibit is tentatively titled “Art Attack” and it contains 14 pieces (each one is of a different species). It’s one of a kind. Do you want it?
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/13/2009 @ 8:24PM
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You studied under rembrant? Unless you have a time machine, I dont think you did. I’m afraid I will have to see your art before we agree to display it. Please give me a call if you are serious about having it at ******.
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/15/2009 @ 4:07PM
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Madlyn,
Actually Madlyn, funny you asked because my time machine is non-functional right now. The flux capacitor and transmission neutron propulsion rods shut down during last week’s blackout. I am working to get the main unit back online. Will keep you posted!
Also, I assure you that I did in fact study under Rembrandt. Phil taught me everything I know about painting. If you don’t believe me then look up “Phil Rembrandt Art Classes” in the yellow pages.
Anyway, since you are obviously skeptical about my abilities (no offense) I’m willing to sweeten the deal. I will make a piece just for the cafe. Choose any animal indigenous to North America and let me know how you want it mutilated (i.e. deboned, deskinned, lots of holes poked, etc.).
I’m going hunting this weekend so please let me know ASAP.
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/18/2009 @ 1:54PM
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Are you saying you use actual animals in your art?! How does that promote saving them?
We definitely do not want mutilated animals in the cafe – are you s****ing me??
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/18/2009 @ 4:14PM
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Madlyn,
Who ever said anything about saving animals? If hunting regulations get tighter and endangered animals get more protected, it makes it harder for hunters to kill them. This increases the number of endangered animals in the wild and makes it easier for me to go hunt them and use them in my art.
It’s basically like the circle of life, but even better because of all the death and blood.
Anyway, I’m really not satisfied with your cafe’s security. I came in today and easily stole napkins, stir-sticks and the equivalent of a full cup of coffee from people’s leftovers (pretty delish btw!). I am willing to come install booby traps if you’re interested in upgrading security.
Do you have any spare bear traps? Mine are in the wash!
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/21/2009 @ 11:12AM
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I already said we are NOT interested in this at all. It sounds repulsive in fact.
On a personal note, I really hope you stop hunting endangered animals.
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/23/2009 @ 6:05PM
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Madlyn,
Okay, I get it. Obviously you are just not an animal person like I am. I have other exhibits. They are much more affordable but because of the security flaws at your cafe I would ask that you buy them upfront.
The ‘N’ Exhibit – $6500, 10 pieces. This exhibit consists of 10 different N’s (the letter) constructed entirely of stir-sticks and napkins generously donated by a local business.
The Mark Sennis Exposition – $4000, 8 pieces. This exhibit contains portraits of Mark Sennis, my buddy and all around cool guy. He is nude in each picture. For an extra $3000 I can include a drawing of him hanging naked from the basketball rim at the gym where he teaches phys ed. This one costs a bit more because it’s a mural on my bedroom wall so I’ll have to remove part of the wall.
Let me know which you prefer!
As I’m sure you know, the value of art skyrockets when the artist dies. I live a very risky lifestyle and am going hunting this weekend for the elusive Chupacabra so please let me know ASAP since I may not make it back and would have to arrange shipment now.
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/24/2009 @ 4:22PM
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Quit already. We don’t want any of your sick “art”
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/24/2009 @ 7:17PM
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Madlyn,
Fair enough. Are you interested in my band, The Ned Wingfield Experience, performing at the cafe?
Ned
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/25/2009 @ 11:48AM
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Madlyn,
I didn’t get your reply e-mail. It must have gone to my spam. We’ll come by some time next week and start performing for your guests. Let me know if you have any requests.
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/27/2009 @ 11:49AM
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Ned,
Please stop writing me. We are not interested in you, your art or your band.
Good bye!
Madlyn
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/28/2009 @ 3:47PM
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Madlyn,
I understand. How about a raincheck?
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/28/2009 @ 7:01PM
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no
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
12/30/2009 @ 11:33AM
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Do you mean “no” as in “no raincheck needed?”
I can come by tomorrow if you’d like?
Ned
| From Madlyn **************** to Me |
12/31/2009 @ 4:13PM
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NO
| From Me to Madlyn **************** |
01/01/2010 @ 10:03AM
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Madlyn,
I understand. How about a raincheck?
Ned
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