The Umbrella Affair (8)

Original Internet Ad:
Buy my lightly used umbrella – $5

Blue umbrella for $5. Like new condition.
Buyer arranges pickup.

Negotiation Strategy:
I didn’t really want the umbrella. There was a taxidermy convention in New York so I figured I could convince this sucker to pay for my travel into town.

Is this still available?

Ned Wingfield

Hi Ned, yes it is…

Excellent.

Alright so your ad says the buyer arranges pickup. I have some good ideas. How does this work…like, do I just tell you my best one?

Also, what’s your name? Obviously, this will influence which option we go with.

Ned

My name is Amanda. You can come to my place to pick it up. We’ll meet outside. Confirm if that’s ok and I’ll give you my address.

Hi Amanda,

Ok well I don’t have a plan prepared for that and you said “buyer arranges pickup” so I’ll give you the closest one.

I’m going to assume you haven’t seen the Thomas Crown Affair, but this will probably work much better if you have. In fact, maybe you should rent it before we pull this off so we are on the same page.

Be at Grand Central Station at 2:17 PM tomorrow (I don’t work a “9-5″ so this won’t be a problem). I’ll be wearing a bowler hat. But wait, so will many other body doubles. We will all be carrying a blue umbrella similar to the one you are selling me.

As we roam the main hall we will keep walking into each other and switching umbrellas. You come down the stairs at 2:20 and walk to the center of the concourse. One of the body doubles will take the umbrella and hand you a $5 bill. Wait in the middle of the hall. The body doubles will continue switching umbrellas until it gets into my hands. At this time all the bowler hat body doubles will leave the station from different exits. You can then exit the station with your $5.

On your end, please bring a boombox playing “Sinnerman” by Nina Simone.  I can send you an MP3 if you’d like for free.

On my end, I’ve posted an ad on craigslist to recruit body doubles. I figure about 20 doubles, 20 hats, 20 umbrellas. Oh yeah, when you get the $5 bill the body double will also hand you a bill for the expenses. But don’t worry you can just mail a check for that!

See you soon (but you won’t see me!)!!!

Ned

Ned, this is a $5 umbrella. Are you for real? Also, if you are going to have 20 other people with umbrellas how does it make sense to do all this to get an umbrella.

Nevermind, don’t reply. I sold it.

Amanda!

I couldn’t check my e-mail because I was traveling to New York (by the way that was one of the expenses you have to cover). I just assumed we were going forward with my plan when you signed off on it!

After all, you said “buyer arranges pickup.” And I did!

But the plan totally failed Amanda! The body double in the middle never got your umbrella. It turned out to be raining yesterday so he ended up wrenching an umbrella out of some woman’s hands. The cops were right there (did you tip them off?? in the movie she tips them off, i should have known) and they descended on us. A few of the body doubles were arrested or detained I think.

Good thing I set up this plan to avoid detection. I escaped effortlessly and undetected.

Oh, and I just kept the umbrella I used for my disguise so I have one now in case you have any more you were selling. I guess you were right about how it didn’t make sense to buy 20 umbrellas just to get one…Guess we both learned a lesson

Alright, going to mail you the bill. What’s your address?

Ned

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