Magician Needed (7)

Original Internet Ad:
My boyfriend has always been interested in learning new magic tricks to show off at bars and to colleagues! And I recently had the idea of hiring someone for a few lessons at my house, to teach a group of 4-5 adults. Tricks must be simple to learn, and very convincing. Please email me with more information, a list of tricks you’ll teach, and your best price!

Cheers,
Paige

Negotiation Strategy:
I recently transitioned to a gas burning BBQ and have an excess supply of BBQ lighting fluid in my garage. I need a way to get rid of it. After I got caught dumping most of the stuff into my neighbors hot tub, I still had 5 or 6 bottles left. I figured this would be a fun way to use it up and rekindle an old hobbie.

I am an accomplished prestidigitator (sleight-of-hand magician). I suppose I could teach you and your boyfriend some magic. I’ll charge $200 for your group and can teach 5 amazing tricks each hour.

Ned Wingfield

Hi Ned,

Thanks for your interest! At a max, we’d like to pay $50 an hour. Is that okay? And what kind of tricks will you be teaching us?

Talk soon,

Paige

Hello Paige,

Not sure what the problem is. $50 X 4 people = $200.

Listen Paige, I’m going to show you some amazing illusions to be performed at bars. Most of what I do is called “Stage Magic”, but don’t worry the total cost of these props is below $600. Here is a list of the first five illusions (not tricks) that I will teach:

1. “Chinese Swords on Fire Through A Woman” = In this illusion, I stick 4 sharp 17 inch blades dowsed in BBQ fluid and lit on fire through a woman’s head in a giant magical box. I’ll show you how to secretly use angles to your advantage and not make the mistake I made in March of 2004.

2. “Buried Alive With Fire” = The magician is set on fire and placed into a casket and lowered into a grave for 3 days before being exhumed only to be found that NO HARM WAS CAUSED. We’re going to learn how to conquer claustrophobia and suicidal thoughts.

3. “The Conjurers Eternal Bunny…On Fire” = The magician sets a bunny on fire and then puts it out 5 minutes later only to find out that the bunny is in the same condition it was always in. I’ll show you where to buy the cheapest bunnies and how to breed them to keep your supply up. Don’t worry Paige, it’s easy!

4. “Basketball of Fire Bullet Catch” = While standing on a basketball engulfed in flames, the magician allows a spectator to fire a bullet out of his rifle at the magicians head. After the smoke clears, I open my mouth revealing the bullet in-between my teeth. I’ll show you how to be in the 97%.

5. “The Devil’s Spike” = An industrial nail is placed by a spectator under one of four upside-down plastic cups. Using only my magical powers I crush all 3 empty cups with my right hand one at a time… while blindfolded… and on fire! Paige, I’ll show you how to secretly figure out which one has the spike. I’ll give you a hint, it’s probability!

Where will we be learning? Let me know ahead of time so that I can “teleport” there without being late. Based on some past experiences I should also let the fire department know in advance to be on alert.

Also, I used to perform at the community center (before that fire that charred the multipurpose room) and also at my house (when I used to allow visitors). Here’s a poster that I got a graphic designer to make for one of my shows. It was really expensive so I just modified it for your party. Hope you like!

Magically yours,

Ned

Whoa Ned,

Cant tell if you’re joking. Are you serious?

Paige

Sent from my iPhone

Dead serious.

Ned

Ok Ned it’s just some of those tricks seem a bit dangerous based on your description. No way your actually qualified to do them?

Paige

Careful Paige, let’s not forget which one of us is trained in the dark arts. No offense.

I believe you can do anything that you set your mind to. If you hire me, I will set my mind to relearning fire magic.

If you are concerned about not being good enough to do these tricks, I’ve got some fan favorites that would be even more suitable at bars and that are pretty easy to learn. I can bring my pal Mark who can show you how to secretly slip a small object into a beer mug, leverage permanent hypnosis for your own will, and use misdirection to avoid paying your tab.

I’m very excited!

Ned

PS – Mark wants to know if you’re going to go for a walk again today?

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